Sunday again

So it’s Sunday again, I might as well find some things to post about.  Here we go:

Things that I am enjoying now: Mary Beard’ s TV series ‘Meet the Romans’ – the last one of this 3 part series is on SBS TV tonight, and she makes me wish that I had time to do a classics degree. Which I don’t. And without the wherewithal to travel to Britain and Italy, it’s not really worth it, but she makes it seem so brilliant.

Mr B has been enjoying watching it too. He was actually subjected to some Latin in his education, so sometimes he gets to play along as Mary translates.

I am enjoying being on the lower dose of Saphrís again because my tongue doesn’t feel quite so burnt.  I do worry a bit about going to the next lower dose because I am scared of dipping into depression again, especially at the moment while this hassle with the neighbours is going on. It’s very easy to get sick and isolated again and I don’t want that.

I’m enjoying the feeling of having my assignment for CWR1000 finished and handed in. It was 99% written but it took me until Thursday afternoon (it was due Friday midnight) to find the right ending but when I did, the whole thing fell into place. Those last three sentences made it work.   At least I think they did –we’ll see what the lecturer thinks.  Poor man has 110 students, each handing in one of these 2000 word stories to mark. I do not envy him his job.  Meanwhile, our next assignment is to edit these pieces, and we have been given some instructions on how to do so. We have one more week of lectures then a two week break, during which I need to find a new story to write so I don’t go mad with nothing to do. (There is always, always the front room, which I am determined to get to. Soon.  My study-buddy and I have agreed to meet during the break to work on our stories so we keep each other going, and I think this will be a Good Thing.)

I am enjoying seeing Mr B writing his story, too.  He says he is encouraged by my uni work (and I hope as I learn how this editing process works I will be able to pass on some knowledge to him).  I really admire his determination to get his book written, he also struggles every day with back pain and neurological pain from his accident, so his writing time is limited, but he is determined to at least get some words down most days.  As my Dad says, any day you’re vertical and ventilated is a win. Some days that’s about all we manage, and we have to accept that.  I have to remind myself of that.

I am enjoying re-reading the Harry Potter books.  I’ve been reading other things in between, so this is a slow project, but I’m halfway through book three (Prisoner of Azkaban) and the storytelling is wonderful.  Will I bother with the new ‘for grown ups’ JK Rowling book? Probably not, unless and until I see it remaindered for a very cheap price or on the new releases shelf at the library.  But the Harry Potter stories are just the thing for me to be reading to get to sleep at night right now – I don’t have to think too much, and I still get to admire how cleverly she’s plotted and how simply she’s used language.

I’ve been reading more Ray Bradbury stories too, but they’re not as good for getting to sleep – short stories never work as well for getting to sleep because they STOP, dammit! And also because Ray Bradbury is possibly the writer I admire most, so I find myself really concentrating when I’m reading his stuff. Not that I don’t enjoy the stories, I do, but I read them differently now.  Unless they’re ones I know really well.

The Formula 1 race is at Monza tonight.  Not quite as fun a circuit as Spa, but still usually worth watching. I’m a bit worn out so we’ll see how I go, I might not last race distance.

Things I am not enjoying right now: the ongoing harassment from the next door neighbours.  We’ve had to call the police numerous times. Sometimes we then have to call the police back to cancel the complaint, because they can only act if the noise is still happening when they arrive.  (I find this embarrassing and upsetting, both the initial call and then the call to cancel.)  The noise from next door resonates from their sub-woofer stereo through both wooden houses, since they are built so very close together, and you would think after the police showing up so many times the neighbours would get a clue that it’s an issue but no, they don’t. Living with the DOOMF DOOMF DOOMF is like being dragged back and forth over a hacksaw blade (as Mr B put it last night. I cannot think of a more eloquent phrase to describe it.)  I just want a quiet life, is that too much to want? Really?

Last night I let it get to me to the point where it made me sick. My body gave in and did that ever so charming panic attack instant dysentery trick (noooiice) and afterwards all I could do was lie on the bed and cry, even thought that wasn’t what I wanted. I took a lorãzepam because there comes a point where I do not want to sit and observe my feelings, even if that is the right, proper, ACT therapeutic thing that my psychologist would like me to do – I just have had enough of being dragged back and forth and it’s after 11 at night and all I want is some peace.

Today it started up again and I had had enough. I got dressed and took the dog out in the car to the park.  We no longer have an off leash area in Queens Park (which means that entire area of the park was deserted – well done, Toowoomba Council – Sunday arvos used to see happy families frolicking with their pets there, but no more) but Connie was quite happy to trot around the flowers and paths of the plantings which are almost ready for the official start of the Carnivore of Fowls – excuse me, Carnival of Flowers – and then sit on the grass with me.  I probably walked a little bit further than was good for me (I really need to be building up gradually, not doing 30 minutes of walking at once, my hips went clunk CLUNK clunk CLUNK) but provided I can manage the pain tonight it will have been worth it.  Even sitting amongst screeching children was better than being home and hearing the DOOMF DOOMF DOOMF. Plus, I got some Vitamin D, which is a Good Thing, and Connie got some new smells, which probably helps her brain too.  It’s paralysis tick season so she will be gone over with the very fine comb tonight – lots of growls but lots of treats, and yes, we do check between her toes, in her ears and underneath the tick collar as well.  Can’t be too careful.

That’s about it from here this week.  The egg carton foam mattress topper is still making a big difference – I am getting up to 4 hours of unbroken sleep some nights.  I was supposed to go to a fashion show thingy at a shop today but was too down to go. There will be other times when they have discounts, so it won’t matter too much.   We’re supposed to get another cold night here – back down to 6 degrees – brrrrr – but the days are sunny.  Nearly time to get Connie out of her winter coat (and you know as soon as we make the decision to do that and get her clipped, we’ll get a week of really cold nights!)

Stressed out, so look at the pretty picture instead.

So far we’ve had to call the police 4 times in the last 24 hours about the next door neighbours.  I had a mini nervous breakdown while on the phone to the police this arvo, and Mr Beloved had to take over.  The issue is the usual one: the neighbours think they have the right to play their  DOOMPH DOOMPH DOOMPH DOOMPH music as loudly as they like whenever they like, and we disagree.

After the visit last night we thought we’d get at least 12 hours reprieve.  But at around noon the noise was unbearable again, and the police attended again: and the rule is that the equipment can be confiscated if there’s another complaint within 12 hours.

So the neighbours called in reinforcements: the hoon car with the even louder stereo.  Which they parked in the street with the sub woofer rattling the paint off all nearby surfaces, while they retreated into their house.  (It was around this point while I was on the phone to the police that I couldn’t speak coherently anymore and collapsed into a shaking heap in the bed, and had to hand over to Mr B.)  Unfortunately they know how to play the game – they shut off the noise at exactly half an hour and left.  And the police can’t act unless the noise is still happening when they arrive.

All we can do is make diary entries when this happens, to establish a pattern of harassment. *sigh*

I DO NOT NEED THIS.

Needless to say, I didn’t get much done today.  My nerves are bloody shot. I didn’t sleep well last night, worrying about what might be coming by way of retaliation. And I’m nervous about what will happen when the neighbours come home tonight – whether they’ll start up again for just long enough to harass us.

Meanwhile: I miss our poor old cat. She didn’t make me read like this. Moet cat did.

And speaking of reading: yes, I am already feeling like I am falling behind at uni. If tomorrow is quiet and I can get some writing down that will help.

 

Waiting….

12:35 pm- I’ve just got to get through til my dentist appointment at 4pm.  Sooooo tired but I can’t sleep… I can sleep in the day if I am sleeping in, but I find it very hard to actually get to sleep during the day.  It’s HOT here today (33.7 outside, 32.4 inside right now, according to the kitchen thermometer) and because it was warm last night and the tooth ached, I didn’t get much sleep last night.  I’m trying very hard to just ride the feelings of anxiety instead of fighting them.  I keep telling myself “Breathe… Be Present… Accept what I am feeling….” (These are basically the principles of mindfulness/ACT summed up.  Good to know that all those many hours of  therapy are doing SOMETHING.)

Ahhh, sleep, I NEED you!

I’ve definitely broken a filling – I managed to get a good look at it last night.  Lost about a quarter of a BIG amalgam filling in my second lower molar. I have lots of fillings, and most of them were done before I was in my mid twenties… I suspect this particular one could date from my childhood, so possibly 30 years ago. That’s probably about the lifespan of these fillings…. fingers crossed that it’s the only one that is giving up! (And hey, I’m NOT a dentist, so I could be totally wrong about that. Well, fancy that. here’s an article saying 10 years is a good run! )  Also fingers crossed that the nice dentist can repair the filling, and not have to replace the whole thing…

I’m also reminding myself that it’s okay to feel anxious. It’s *struggling* with those feelings that causes the problem.  And I am accepting that for me anxiety feels very physical – I keep having to run to the loo, my mouth is dry, my stomach hurts.  And I can’t fix it with more food (not even more frozen grapes!) – I just have to stay calm and let the anxious feelings be there.  I can get through this.

Just gone one o’clock.  (I’m browsing whilst writing, it doesn’t really take me that long to write 300 words!)

I could really do without the next door neighbour SCREAMING at her toddler every 5 minutes  – I swear, that kid must think his name is either “Djuwarna Belting?” or “LEAVE IT!”  At least this time there’s just one toddler, his Mum, and a teenager who may or may not be the mother’s offspring…don’t know, don’t care, just want her to bloody well respect the fact that she is NOT alone in the neighbourhood and that not everyone cares for her DOOMF DOOMF DOOMF music all day and night!

I doubt they’ll last long, anyway – when I had to go over the other day and ask for the stereo to be turned down, the “responsible adult” came to the door, beer in hand, at 3 in the afternoon.  The screeching gets worse during the day until it peaks at around 5:30, when “Djuwarna” becomes “SIT DOWN! EAT IT! Djuwarna Belting?”

1:20pm.  34.5 outside, 33.1 inside.

Going to work in my art journal for a while now.