Whine whine whine…. that’s all I feel like I do these days. It has been a tough week – my jaw is still aching from the dental work last Monday – the dentist did say it would probably take a few days for the tooth to settle down. The weather has finally turned showery and blowy today, which usually makes my bones ache (and poor Mr Beloved too – what a pair of old crocks we are!) The TMJ pain is still there, even though the chiro treatment helped – I know that usually takes a couple of weeks to settle down.
I’ve been dealing with panic attacks. Oooooh boy. At least now I know I can take the pill (l0razepam) but I’m very aware that it’s easy to get addicted to them, and I sometimes feel like a failure when I have to take one.
But it’s SO MUCH BETTER to take the pill and be calm instead of spiralling into hours of misery and panic and thinking I can’t breathe and feeling like I’m going to vomit and having to run to the loo every 5 minutes because I get instant diarrhoea with the panic. Isn’t that just a charming detail? Just writing about it is embarrassing. I wish I could even say what triggers the damn panics, but most of the time I can’t – once it was as simple as my ears getting clogged from this cold and feeling like I couldn’t unblock them and WHOOSH – panic. Embarrassing.
And I’m FINALLY changing over med1cat10ns! I’m feeling a bit wonky because of that, too, I think. The nice psychiatrist has said I can cross over the T0pamax (the new one, that might help me lose weight, as well as stopping the m1gra1nes) and the Ser0quel (the horrible one that made me constantly hungry) – that is, I can start and increase the T while decreasing the S, until I’m on the dose I feel is right of the T and the S is completely GONE. And the nice psychiatrist is *available*, even if it’s just getting back to me in a phone message, so I feel much safer doing this than when I’ve changed other med1cat10ns.
And group therapy starts again this week. Who knew, back when I started going, that I would actually be looking FORWARD to going to group therapy and the help it gives?
So that’s about it – just trying to keep going. Still toying with the idea of maybe possibly doing a university subject but perhaps not this semester… maybe when I’m feeling a bit more stable.