Ugh.

Group was haaaaaaaaaaaaaaard today.  Some weeks it’s like that – so much RELEVANT stuff comes up from everyone, and it takes a lot of processing time.  Ugh.

But I finally got my “personal statement describing the way in which your education has been adversely affected by your condition, disability or disorder” written as part of my QTAC application.  That was very draining, too, having to explain why I’ve failed not completed previous attempts to study…

All that after a night of very little sleep.  I ended up taking an anxi0lytic at around 3 am, and was still bothered by obsessive (but not dangerous) thoughts… they were so bad that they even intruded during the guided mindfulness meditation I was listening to – so I did the whole 20 minute mindfulness exercise over AGAIN, and finally got a couple of hours sleep.

I’ve managed to make an appointment to see my psych1atrist on Thursday… on the recommendation of the Dr at group today.  Hmmmm.

Then I see my psych0logist on Friday and I’m probably asking her to write a supporting letter for my QTAC application and then I can send it those next parts IN!   The latest update on the QTAC site says that I have met the minimum course requirements for the courses I have chosen (but that is not a guarantee of an offer of a place.)

So. Very. Tired.

Haven’t called Mum and Dad yet to get an update on Gordy… will do that next.

Ugh. Again, ugh.

So it’s Wednesday again and I’m missing group therapy AGAIN.  Last week I had a migraine; this week I woke up with a vile tummy ache and wrenched shoulder and misery.  Not sure what’s going on but I am CROOK.

I’m tired and irritable and jumpy and can’t decide what I need or want to do.

And I just realised that I mentally deducted one of the bills from our bank account TWICE this fortnight – which means we actually have $100 more than I thought we did… ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHH!

I don’t want to go and see my psychiatrist (even though I am much more depressed than usual) because I don’t want to go to hospital.

I also feel like I need to apologise to the ?three people who still read this blog because it’s turned into a right old whingefest of late…

Well, that sorta kinda didn’t work….and the BANDICOOT!

(I had a bad night last night…)

The back thing? Sorta kinda didn’t work.  The goal with this procedure was to see if I had an immediate reduction in pain… which I didn’t.  Wellllll – some bits of my back feel better, and maybe that’s why other parts feel like they’re hurting more now?  I JUST DON’T KNOW!  It’s very frustrating and last night I ended up quite anxious and feeling like a failure because “I didn’t get better” – however, we know that sort of thinking is not helpful – it’s NOT black and white, there are shades of grey that I have to consider!

Fortunately I am seeing the pain management specialist again in a fortnight.

(Also – I ate WAAAAAAAY too much sugar yesterday and my neurons were PINGING around my head – arrrgh!  That does NOT help my anxiety, and I need to remember not to do that!)

Looks like I might be doing two lots of group therapy – one for ACT and one specifically on mindfulness.  Arrgh!  My initial reaction to group therapy is “oh NO, not another group of whingers!” because unless the person in charge is REALLY in charge, that’s what groups all too easily degenerate into.  (And that was my experience in forced group therapy as an outpatient in Canberra – a complete waste of everybody’s time.)  The mindfulness group is being run by the practice where I see the Helpful Psychologist, though, and I think that will be worth doing.

Meanwhile, I’m probably the last person I know to read The Hunger Games trilogy – I tend to avoid things that have been so over-hyped but wow, these books really ARE good! Near future dystopia, brilliantly written. I will probably avoid the upcoming film, though.

And now for the important part of this post: last night, Mr Beloved managed to capture an image of OUR BANDICOOT!

Hello, Bandicoot!

[clicky for biggy]

He (? could be a she) really likes the cat biscuits – especially Whiskas Senior Furball formula!  Mr Beloved has seen him almost nightly, coming in to get a feed, and so long as you don’t try to talk to him the bandicoot is quite happy.   And as Mr B. says, let’s see the Council try to levy a pet rego fee on THAT !