Wednesday was a very loooooooong day.

Warning:epic post!image
Yesterday was a loooooooooong day. Not just for me, but for poor Mr Beloved – since I’m still not allowed to drive (stupid fainting thing!) he has to play chauffeur. He is the world’s most patient man.

First stop: J, the magic physiotherapist. Oh, I love her! 45 minutes of bliss. Things are definitely improving each time I see her, and even though I could do my exercises more (I try, I try!) my pelvis is more stable, I can bend forward and backwards with less pain, and this time she worked on my thoracic spine because my neck was locked up. Within my fibromyalgia limits, as always. But by the end of the session, I could turn my head so far I felt like an owl! Wonderful!

Rush off to the optometrist. Because the day before I’d been in to collect my two new pairs of spectacles – red for reading and sewing, black for everyday distance vision. This was after my second eye test and both pairs of glasses having to be remade because they got them completely WRONG the first time: the height was wrong, the curve was wrong, when I put them on everything was distorted and I just felt dizzy and seasick. They spent 45 minutes fussing with the frames, putting “tilt” on the frames, adjusting them. Made no bloody difference. Ugh. They tried to tell me that I would “adjust”, that I should “try them out for a few days”…. Uh, no. YOU got them wrong. And I was made to feel like the staffer having to fill out the paperwork ( paper? In 2016?!) was doing so under sufferance. Not happy.

Anyway, on Tuesday I collected my red readers. Small adjustment to the earpiece and voila.. Good to go. New prescription had been made correctly. BUT…. Black everyday glasses? Exactly the same wrongness as last time. Peripheral vision distorted, direct vision at wrong height, a complete mess. Useless. Unacceptable. I leave the store, unhappy, and silly young assistant promises to get in touch.

Which she does, half an hour later, when we’ve been to the grocery store, asking if I’m still in the mall, and would I like to come back in and try to get the glasses adjusted now? No, I tell her, I would not. Oh. Would I like to come in tomorrow then, and try for an adjustment and maybe another eye test if that’s what’s needed? Fine, I say through gritted teeth, and look at my calendar, and book in the appointment, in between the two I already have for Wednesday. Grrrrrrrrrr.

Which is why I’m at the optometrist yesterday, hoping to collect my black everyday glasses. But guess what? After keeping us waiting 20 minutes past our appointment time (grrrrrr) the bloke….

CAN’T FIND THE GLASSES. Which young assistant had just the day before. He goes to look for them. He gets other people to look. I helpfully tell him the name of young assistant, since they don’t have a decent audit trail. He calls her back to the store from lunch. She looks.

I am saying things like I’ve been a customer here for at least seven years, I’ve never had this sort if trouble before, this is very stressful and wasting my time, I’m really considering not coming back once this is resolved, blah blah blah. Shoulda gone to Specs$vers? Hmmm… Not so much….

In the meantime, he checks my new readers, adjusts my old ones, which Emmalumpdogg keeps jumping on and bending the nosepieces (new readers have no bendy nosepieces. For that reason.)

New glasses are lost. Vanished. Unfindable. Stupid young assistant has actually done me a favour, because rather than having the same mucked about frames used again, bloke has authorised new glasses altogether.

All that took over an hour.

We have time to get home briefly to check on Emmalumpdogg before the next appointment. Specialist dentist. He’s the owner of the practice and you only get to see him if your dentist refers you up. I have TMJ (temporomandibular joint) issues, have had ever since my first husband, 💪exacerbated by my tendency to tense my jaw when stressed and grind my teeth at night sometimes. (Gosh, what could have stressed me out that day! 😂)

Well! He is the chattiest the dentist I have ever met! We establish cultural credentials (everything from Shakespeare to MotoGP!) and somehow spend 90 minutes, of which maybe 10 are about the problem, with about 2 taken up with an actual poking around exam. Which hurt, and established beyond any doubt in his mind that I need a further consult with an oral and maxillofacial surgeon, with the possibility of botox(!) injections to ease the problem. Who knew, eh? Said surgeon is down the big hill in Ipswich, so that will be an interesting trip.

So. Up to the pharmacy to refill my antibiotics script, since everything is closed today because it’s a public holiday (Show day! Whoopee!) and finally, home. Emmalumpdogg demanded her afternoon happy stick chewing time, poor Mr Beloved collapsed onto the bed to rest his aching back.

Loooooonnnnnnnng day.

Oh, and my new black glasses? Due on the 15th. We shall see. I can’t wait to get the feedback form in the email, cos I’m gonna let ‘er rip. 👿

Proud little Allie… And Caity goes to the Dentist

I am still tiny enough to sit in the palm of Caity’s hand
Look! I has FEATHERS!
I is still a bit prickly but…
‘cos look at my QUILLS!

Meanwhile, Caity went to the Dreaded Dentist yesterday, for my 6 monthly checkup and clean.  I mentioned my TMJ (tempero-mandibular joint) problems (yet another legacy from my violent first marriage) so he sent me off for an X ray.  Yep, there’s a issue there. Looks like instead of my CPAP machine we’ll be trying a different kind of splint at night, one that helps to keep the jaw in place…

Oh, and the xray picked up two decayed places underneath some older fillings, so guess who gets to go back to the Dreaded Dentist next week?  ARRRRRRRRGHH!  Break out the anxiolytics again… if there’s anything I really FEAR at the dentist it’s those needles right at the back of the jaw. *shudder*  It was inevitable, I guess, since I’ve had some of those back fillings for an awful long time…

Right.  Time to go print off my story and go to writer’s group.  That’s a much happier thought!



It’s been a tough week…

Whine whine whine…. that’s all I feel like I do these days.  It has been a tough week – my jaw is still aching from the dental work last Monday – the dentist did say it would probably take a few days for the tooth to settle down.  The weather has finally turned showery and blowy today, which usually makes my bones ache (and poor Mr Beloved too – what a pair of old crocks we are!) The TMJ pain is still there, even though the chiro treatment helped – I know that usually takes a couple of weeks to settle down.

I’ve been dealing with panic attacks.  Oooooh boy.  At least now I know I can take the pill (l0razepam) but I’m very aware that it’s easy to get addicted to them, and I sometimes feel like a failure when I have to take one.

Take the piiiiiiiilllllllsssss.....

But it’s SO MUCH BETTER to take the pill and be calm instead of spiralling into hours of misery and panic and thinking I can’t breathe and feeling like I’m going to vomit and having to run to the loo every 5 minutes because I get instant diarrhoea with the panic.  Isn’t that just a charming detail?  Just writing about it is embarrassing.  I wish I could even say what triggers the damn panics, but most of the time I can’t – once it was as simple as my ears getting clogged from this cold and feeling like I couldn’t unblock them and WHOOSH  –  panic.  Embarrassing.

And I’m FINALLY changing over med1cat10ns!  I’m feeling a bit wonky because of that, too, I think.  The nice psychiatrist has said I can cross over the T0pamax (the new one, that might help me lose weight, as well as stopping the m1gra1nes) and the Ser0quel (the horrible one that made me constantly hungry) – that is, I can start and increase the T while decreasing the S,  until I’m on the dose I feel is right of the T and the S is completely GONE.  And the nice psychiatrist is *available*, even if it’s just getting back to me in a phone message, so I feel much safer doing this than when I’ve changed other med1cat10ns.

And group therapy starts again this week.  Who knew, back when I started going, that I would actually be looking FORWARD to going to group therapy and the help it gives?

So that’s about it – just trying to keep going.  Still toying with the idea of maybe possibly doing a university subject but perhaps not this semester… maybe when I’m feeling a bit more stable.

Oh dear…

It’s HOT. Still around 30 in the bedroom and I am writing this at 1:30 am… feeling sick, my jaw is hurting from the dental work, not  sure if the wonky tummy/IBS is being cause by anxiety or a bug… I keep having the thought that I’m having trouble breathing and I have tried the usual things (nose spray, etc)…. miserable and typing this into the ether…

Going to go lie on the floor somewhere in the house and try and at least close my eyes, although I can’t sleep without my CPAP machine.



Well, not only had I lost a chunk of filling  – I’d cracked off a part of the enamel.  And damaged another filling on the other side of my mouth.  From now on I’m STRAINING any passionfruit I eat – oh, and no more crunching ice, either.  The teeth grinding at night I can only address by being less stressed, because there’s no room with the CPAP mask to add anything else!

Mr Beloved sat in the room with me, and when I was being a total sook about having the needle (ow ow ow ow! IT HURT!) and when I had such bad jaw pain from holding my mouth open that tears were running into my ears.  :- (

BUT – I had the small filling with no needle or numbing cream!  FIRST TIME EVER that I’ve been able to have even a *leetle* filling without help. The big filling wasn’t even too bad – and I now have my first ever composite resin filling.

Still can’t feel half my face…nearly 3 hours post needle.  Maybe one day I will be brave like my Dad and not have the needle at all…

It’s still 32 degrees here at 7 pm… the predicted overnight minimum is 20 – I think we’ll be very lucky if it cools down that much!  This is HOT for Toowoomba, at least in recent years.  Funny how quickly you adjust to a new climate – I’m sure where I used to live was hotter in Summer!

Off to sip more ice water v-e-r-y carefully!



12:35 pm- I’ve just got to get through til my dentist appointment at 4pm.  Sooooo tired but I can’t sleep… I can sleep in the day if I am sleeping in, but I find it very hard to actually get to sleep during the day.  It’s HOT here today (33.7 outside, 32.4 inside right now, according to the kitchen thermometer) and because it was warm last night and the tooth ached, I didn’t get much sleep last night.  I’m trying very hard to just ride the feelings of anxiety instead of fighting them.  I keep telling myself “Breathe… Be Present… Accept what I am feeling….” (These are basically the principles of mindfulness/ACT summed up.  Good to know that all those many hours of  therapy are doing SOMETHING.)

Ahhh, sleep, I NEED you!

I’ve definitely broken a filling – I managed to get a good look at it last night.  Lost about a quarter of a BIG amalgam filling in my second lower molar. I have lots of fillings, and most of them were done before I was in my mid twenties… I suspect this particular one could date from my childhood, so possibly 30 years ago. That’s probably about the lifespan of these fillings…. fingers crossed that it’s the only one that is giving up! (And hey, I’m NOT a dentist, so I could be totally wrong about that. Well, fancy that. here’s an article saying 10 years is a good run! )  Also fingers crossed that the nice dentist can repair the filling, and not have to replace the whole thing…

I’m also reminding myself that it’s okay to feel anxious. It’s *struggling* with those feelings that causes the problem.  And I am accepting that for me anxiety feels very physical – I keep having to run to the loo, my mouth is dry, my stomach hurts.  And I can’t fix it with more food (not even more frozen grapes!) – I just have to stay calm and let the anxious feelings be there.  I can get through this.

Just gone one o’clock.  (I’m browsing whilst writing, it doesn’t really take me that long to write 300 words!)

I could really do without the next door neighbour SCREAMING at her toddler every 5 minutes  – I swear, that kid must think his name is either “Djuwarna Belting?” or “LEAVE IT!”  At least this time there’s just one toddler, his Mum, and a teenager who may or may not be the mother’s offspring…don’t know, don’t care, just want her to bloody well respect the fact that she is NOT alone in the neighbourhood and that not everyone cares for her DOOMF DOOMF DOOMF music all day and night!

I doubt they’ll last long, anyway – when I had to go over the other day and ask for the stereo to be turned down, the “responsible adult” came to the door, beer in hand, at 3 in the afternoon.  The screeching gets worse during the day until it peaks at around 5:30, when “Djuwarna” becomes “SIT DOWN! EAT IT! Djuwarna Belting?”

1:20pm.  34.5 outside, 33.1 inside.

Going to work in my art journal for a while now.