Mum’s birthday party went well – I think everyone had a lovely time.  Eunju organised the food and it was wonderful – always better to have too much than not enough – and the variety was lovely. The birthday cake in particular was gorgeous and Eunju did an incredible job slicing it for everyone – it was a delicate cheesecake on a hazelnut dacquoise base with sponge cake and raspberry layers inside and covered with white chocolate that needed a hot knife for every slice!

Birthday cake, obviously

Eunju and Dad

Mum, after the party

During the party

Ginger, pretending he’s a Good Cat

Gordon, in his truck

Chips, saying it’s all too much

Ginger cat did his best “I am a lovely decorative cat” act for the party; Chips cat disappeared for the duration and came out once everyone had gone.  Gordon is growing his whiskers for the Tweed Ride – doesn’t he look the proper Edwardian gent?

In other news: yes, I got my first bit of assessment back for the semester – worth 15%, and I got a high distinction.  The next part (another short creative work – that is, a short story of 1500 words – that’s very short!) is worth 25% and was submitted yesterday. I wasn’t very happy with it, but one of the next parts is to re-edit the short story and extend it to a 2000 words, so we’ll see how that goes.

Apart from that, it’s the usual round of doctor and psychiatrists and psychologists.  Poor Mr Beloved has had a sore rib for a couple of months and had to have a CT scan, but we have yet to get back to to the doctor for the results – that’s one of the appointments this week, I think.

We’ve been enjoying watching the new series of Call the Midwife on the TV, and our favourite comedienne , Miranda Hart, in her show, too.  (Miranda Hart was in series 1 on Call the Midwife but is off being a missionary for most of series 2). I’ve been reading silly cozy mystery novels to get to sleep – I’m very careful these days about what I let into my head, I don’t read gory novels or watch anything that involves too much crime scene stuff. So even though the Agatha Raisin novels by M C Beaton are not the best written novels in the English language, or even the best cozy mysteries I’ve ever read, at least they’re stuff I haven’t read a gazillion times before and I can get off to sleep reading them.  Any recommendations for other series authors gladly received…

And of course tonight is Dr Who night.  Mr Beloved is not a fan of new Who, but I don’t mind the new stuff – you do need a substantial ability to suspend disbelief, and an ability to ignore quite a lot of what was set up as Who-verse time rules previously, but oh well – don’t let that get in the way and it’s quite fun.

Poor Miss Constance had – I shudder to mention it – an infected anal gland on the day before Anzac Day (so that was April 24) but we were very lucky in catching our lovely mobile vet in time before she took the public holiday off and the Friday and had a long weekend… anyway, it was messy and Connie was Not A Happy Dog and had to wear the Cone of Shame (ie, an Elizabethan  collar) for several days until her poor bottom healed up.  She had to take anti-inflammatories for days and we’re still giving her antibiotics for another few days yet, and the mobile vet comes back later this week to check everything is all healed up okay.

And that’s about the news from here.  I’ve actually managed to do a small amount of tidying in the dreaded sewing room – little tiny bits, not there yet, but it’s starting to make a difference.   I’m beginning to hope I might actually get there.

Today my scrapbooking girls gave me some lovely pressies and Wendy Jayne made a scrumptious cake – the recipe apparently involved coca cola and a packet of marshmallows (“minus three!”)  – the result was very rich and mousse-like.  I had a small piece and it was delightful.

[clicky for biggy]

Yep, I am 45, and very grateful to have got here.

Next week I’m off to Adelaide – Mr Beloved is staying home to tend the menagerie.  While I’m in Adelaide I’ll be seeing this exhibition of Turner’s works at the Art Gallery of South Australia; but the main reason I’m going is to enjoy being with family and to help out (although everything has been beautifully organised already by my super Sister in Law) with my Mum’s Birthday High Tea.

I’ve submitted my first piece of university work for the year, it’s worth 15 % of the course.  We’ll have to just wait and see how that goes.  The Disability Support Officer had an interesting point of view – she said the best thing that could happen would be for me NOT to get a High Distinction so I could see that the world didn’t crumble just because I got a Credit instead.  She’s right.

Apart from that, not much going on here – it’s been raining AGAIN and the weeds keep growing; we’ve had blackouts from storms twice this week but only for a couple of hours each time. We are well organised with wind-up torches so it’s just been a matter of going to bed a little earlier than usual.  I don’t have a back up battery for my CPAP machine, but I can get some sleep without it – just not very restful sleep because I wake up a lot!

So that’s it from here for now – more when I get back from Adelaide.

I went into hospital on Tuesday, at 1 o’clock.  This was purely for the benefit of the administrative staff, since I didn’t get the dreaded Preparation ¹to drink until four o’clock. I *could* have gone to my one o’clock class, really. *grumble*. ANYWAY, that’s how things turned out, and my mate at uni has very kindly done some notes for me, so I haven’t really missed out on all that much.

Once the salts started to work I was glad I had a private room… and that’s about all we need to say about that, yes?  It’s not a pleasant process.

Wednesday morning I had to drink another litre of the Preparation (mercy!) starting at six in the morning; and the building work started at the hospital again at about six thirty.  I’m talking about major deconstruction here – jack hammers and big diggers, right outside the room. It wasn’t restful. Somehow once the worst of the emptying was over (again) I managed to sleep – and just as well, too, since I was in for a looooooooong day: I was last on the list.  My procedure wasn’t until five thirty.

Eventually they came and got me; the anaesthetist stuck a needle in my arm and pretty much the next thing I remember is waking up in recovery.

No solid food from Tuesday lunchtime (when I’d had some clear chicken broth) and nil by mouth from Wednesday at ten o’clock (when I’d been allowed some water) – by the time I was wheeled back from recovery at about seven on Wednesday I was ready to jump off the trolley at the cafeteria and grab at any food I could get!  The nurses were very sympathetic and convinced the supper trolley lady to let me have extra bikkies, which I wolfed down with my cuppa tea; and Mr Beloved had some wicked dim sims in the microwave for me just as soon as we got home around eight thirty  -  I had four when I got home from hospital, they were the best dim sims ever. ²

I should mention that I saw the specialist before I left recovery and he had good news for me – they took some biopsies just to be sure, but everything looks normal; I don’t need to worry about gluten, and I can have a normal (for me) diet: this means I still have to deal with the things that give me Irritable Bowel Syndrome but since I’m getting better at working out what those are (NO ONIONS! NO ONION POWDER!) I can manage.  I made appointments to follow up with the specialist (in June, he’s very booked out) and the nutritionist (I see her next week, she’s very nice, I saw her when I was in hospital in January).

I’m very glad it’s all done now.  Now we know that my symptoms are “just” IBS and anxiety related, I can deal with them. We’ll see what the nutritionist says about trying food challenges with some of the foods I suspect give me problems – it’s good to be sure – but that might have to wait until after I get back from Adelaide.  (I’m going for a little holiday again, yay! to celebrate my Mum’s birthday, in April.)

It was raining too hard to take the traditional ‘first day of school’ photo outside – the laundry had to do. What a scenic backdrop!

Here’s what I wore, and here’s a link to the model wearing the same dress.  I am going to have to sell off my clothes from last year (possibly even on ebay) because they are MILES too big on me now.  Very frustrating.  I know, it sounds like a nice problem to have. The shops assistants at my favourite shop (for curvier ladies) keep commenting on how narrow my shoulders are.  Probably because all my current clothes keep falling OFF my shoulders!

Right now I am very cross though – just had a call from the hospital and they have me all booked in for the colonoscopy and gastroscopy ³ON THE WRONG DAY.  Grrrr.  I had thought it was all organised so I wouldn’t miss uni: nope, they’ve booked me in to go in on the Tuesday and I have to be there by 2pm.  That buggers up going to a class that runs from 1 til 4 pm, doesn’t it?!  Oh well, it’s only one week.  And I know I can catch up and get the lecture notes online and the in class notes from someone.

And it’s such a GOOD class. We have a new lecturer ⁴, and she was brilliant yesterday.  She took feedback really well and seemed prepared to work with the group – only about 10 us on campus, I’m not sure how many are studying externally – in giving us challenging work and a better idea of what is actually expected in the assessment.   YAY!

We have had a little break in the weather today, and Mr Beloved got some washing out on the line – yay for Mr Beloved! We even –shock horror – saw some SUNSHINE instead of this constant grey gloominess and nonstop rain!  But more rain is predicted for the rest of the week. Boo, hiss.  We have had 592mm of rain this month in the rain gauge at the airport and I am CONVINCED that we get more rain here than there.  600mm!!  That’s a lot.  That’s REALLY a lot.  No wonder everything feels soggy and damp.  I think I’ll go get whatever feels dry now off the washing line before it gets rained on again…

And we had to go out in it today.  I had a doctor’s appointment (at the moment I have to see the GP at least once every fortnight, just to monitor stuff. ² I was worried that I might have put on weight with the new pysch medicine (zypr3xa zyd0l) that the Very Helpful Psychiatrist has put me on.  It’s supposed to help with the bipolar stuff but mostly help me sleep (ahhhh! Normal sleep patterns! That would be nice!). I haven’t put on any weight, I’m holding steady at 85kg.

So the Good GP (she is Very Helpful and very much on the ball) filled out all the paperwork ³I needed to get my Drivers Licence renewed (I need a medical certificate because of the CPAP, Bipolar, and because I wear glasses. Not that I drive very often, but there are laws in Queensland that say I have to have these conditions noted, so we have to follow the rules.)  And the 2013 Fluvax had arrived, so Mr Beloved and I had our flu jabs for the year.  We believe in herd immunity and hope every year that the vaccine has the right mix to stop us getting the flu – the one year we did come down with flu and both got sick we were really crook for about 8 weeks each.  So fingers crossed.

Uni starts tomorrow.  (And that’s as far as I got yesterday… so I’ll post this and continue.)

When last we saw Our Heroine, (me!) I was having trouble eating.

It got worse.

To the point where I just couldn’t.

I just couldn’t eat.  The worst day I only managed 10 cherries all day.

And it happened that I had an appointment with my Very Helpful Psychiatrist that day, and my Very Good GP had copied the results of a blood test I’d had a few days before over to her.  “Caity, I was a physician before I was a specialist, and I have never seen some of these levels so low. You’re very sick.  I’m going to send you to hospital now.  You go home and pack a bag; I’m going to get you admitted this afternoon.” She made phone calls to make it happen and Mr Beloved and I headed home.

I was numb and in tears but so grateful that finally something was happening: and I didn’t realise how sick I was.  I was very malnourished.  Luckily my Very Helpful Psychiatrist has LOTS of experience with eating disorders – which, by the way I don’t have (no I’m not in denial!) and recognised that what I needed was hospitalisation so that I wasn’t in danger from refeeding syndrome.

(Refeeding syndrome is what happens when you haven’t been eating and suddenly you start eating again and your body has no idea what to do with the food – your electrolytes get messed up even more and in severe cases you can DIE. This is the simple version from the helpful dietician.  I was still fuzzy when she explained it to me so she had to use very simple words. )

Hospital was NOT FUN.  I’m just grateful that I have health insurance (through no good management of my own, you know who you are, thank you again for looking after me) that let me get into hospital straight away.  I know hospital isn’t meant to be fun.  Bed shortages (yes, even in the private hospital) and being under the care of several specialists made it a little more horrible that it might otherwise have been but we got through it.  Thankfully the hospital is only just up the road from home and Mr Beloved was able to visit every day and bring lots of books.  I got a lot of reading done – is there a worse place to try and sleep than a hospital? (I have problems sleeping anyway – it’s one of the things I am talking to the Very Helpful Psychiatrist about when I see her again tomorrow)

They did some tests while I was in hospital – a ‘gastric emptying test’ which measured how fast  my stomach moved food through it : you eat a radioactive egg sandwich then try to lie very still for 2 hours on a very narrow platform while the CT scanner takes pictures. (Of course, once you’re trapped from neck to knee in the machine, everything itches – and you can’t move to scratch anything.) An ultrasound didn’t show anything out of the ordinary either.  I pushed to schedule the gastroscopy and colonoscopy as soon as possible while I was in hospital but then was too sick to have them. I have to go back in to hospital to do the prep and have the procedures next month (fun.)

My electrolyte levels are being monitored with blood tests every fortnight and I am almost back to eating ‘normally’ – within the limits of what I can eat, anyway.  Still no onions or any processed food with onion powder as an ingredient.  Which means – we cook from scratch.  Which we mostly did anyway, since it’s so much cheaper; but it’s annoying not to be able to just grab something like a tin of soup when you’re feeling blah and just want something quick.  Because there WILL be onions or onion powder in there, in sufficient quantity to make for a miserable night, or perhaps 2 miserable nights.

So what the hell went wrong, anyway?  Part of it was the depression that started in November – I lost my appetite. (When I saw the GP on Monday she mentioned that she had just been to a conference where she learned that one of the psych drugs I am on has been being used off label in the US for weight loss, since a significant proportion of patients report loss of appetite… ahhhh, light bulb!) But then something else happened that interacted with that – possibly an infection, possibly just a worsening of the Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) that I have to learn to manage better.  It could be that the antidepressants we were trying triggered something. (Given the severe nausea that happened during the antidepressant trials, I wouldn’t be surprised.)   The gastroscopy and colonoscopy are to check that there’s nothing else going on: the specialist has said that he thinks I’m going to have to learn to live with the facts of IBS: it won’t kill you, it just makes you very miserable from time to time.

Meanwhile I am eating bread and pasta (NOT the gluten free versions) for the next month so that if there is a reaction to those to show up in the tests it will well and truly SHOW UP!

And in non-medical news… my dear nephew turned 21. Go NewSky!

We survived the Australia Day rain event (heavy and very inconvenient rain, but fortunately for us at least NOT a flood on the scale of the 2011 event… others down the range weren’t so lucky and had worse flooding than in 2011. We were only left with a soggy queen size mattress to dispose of, since of course my hospitalisation happened a day or so after we go the new mattress and before we could organise the skip to get rid of the old one.  Mattresses and other big rubbish are really hard to get rid of – hiring a skip/dumpster is about the only way.  I supposed we could hire a ute but by the time we load that and do multiple trips to the tip – just as efficient to load everything into one container and then get it taken away. Must organise that this week.

And uni starts again soon. I got a High Distinction for my Creative Writing subject in Semester 2 last year; I’m enrolled in the follow on subject starting at the end of this month. I’m looking forward to getting going on that again.

So. That’s it for now. Updated. Now I must go cook dinner.

Let’s just say, depression SUX. To the point where I had to withdraw (after the cut off date, which now involves additional paperwork to fix, groan)  from my Semester 3 unit for Uni, which really upset me; my psychiatrist was away over Christmas, and when my lovely and helpful GP and mental health nurse tried to help by getting me on to an antidepressant I had a VERY bad reaction to the first one (5 days of severe nausea) and then a fast swing back towards mania with the 2nd one just before Christmas… then my Dad got crook and had a quick 5 day trip to hospital in the week before Christmas (he’s doing much better now).

And I’ve been sick. On top of the depression I’ve developed this interesting new weight loss thing where things I used to be able to eat now make me sick.

Onions? FORGET it. Okay, if it was was just no onions I could live with that. But now it’s milk.  I made tuna pie (an old family favourite) the other night (without the onions) and spent hours curled in a ball on the floor in agony. Last night I tried a couple of tablespoons of light ricotta cheese  – big mistake.
A few nights ago we had some lamb stir fry – let’s just say the results weren’t pretty.  So no animal fats, onions, milk… nothing tasty. I am rather bored with what I can eat – small portions of grilled chicken breast, lettuce, and tomato.  Small amounts of things with gluten or baaaaaad things happen. I am having blood tests and an ultrasound and then I’m going back to the GP to see what happens next.

I now only weigh 86 kg.  Which would be LOVELY if it was intentional weight loss but it’s not so nice when you don’t really know why.  (Apart from the not being able to eat FOOD thing, I mean.) None of my clothes fit but I have nowhere to go out, so that doesn’t really matter.  For the first in time YEARS the doctor doesn’t have to use the fat chick cuff on the blood pressure machine (yes I know the proper name is sphygmomanometer, could you be bothered typing that?) even though I have wobbly upper arms – but the normal sized cuff fits anyway.

Mr Beloved is losing some weight too because he’s been eating less along with me – so I guess it’s not all bad… Miss Constance, on the other hand, is looking decidedly porky because I haven’t been walking her.

Today is the second anniversary of The Flood.  And it is a stinking hot day. We may get a thunderstorm later.  There have been bushfires across Tasmania, Victoria, New South Wales, South Australia, and Queensland, with a total fire ban across at least three states tomorrow.

Apart from that… not much to report.  Our wonderful Christmas pressie (thanks Mum and Dad) will be delivered on Tuesday arvo – a much needed and anticipated new mattress.  I’m a little nervous  – how can you tell from such a short lie down in the shop if you’ve chosen the right one? But Mr Beloved was so pleased with it, he could get up and down off it and we (crucially! and unlike the current old one) didn’t  annoy each other every time one of us turned over – something to do with pocket springs? Anyway, let’s hope it sorts out my sore hip.

So. More later. Ish.

I was very nervous on the drive down to Brisbane but Mr Beloved made good time, and dropped me off at Roma Street and I caught the airport link train.  I had plenty of time before my flight, so I sat and read a book (I always have a book).

What with getting up early for the drive and not sleeping so well the night before, I was quite tired – I heard the pilot tell us that we would be flying over Mildura, the next thing I knew I woke up when the attendant was handing me my gluten-free sandwich for lunch. After that I slept again until I heard the announcement that we were beginning the descent over the Adelaide hills.

Mum met me at the gate and Gordon just outside, and we drove home to Mum and Dad’s place.  I slept in quite late the next day – ’til nearly lunch time… and we just pottered about. Very restful and nice.

Gordon’s party on Saturday was a huge success – it started at about 1 in the afternoon and we left around 6, but apparently there were still some hardy hangers-on at 2 am!

Then they had another bunch of people the next day… Anyway, he had a good time, and Ju went to a huge amount of effort to make it wonderful – she’s spent every spare moment in the last few months organising, getting the yard done, and it went right down to the wire, with the pizza oven roof being installed on Friday afternoon.

This is Ju with John Paul, a ukelele player (and one of the the people from the Hoot who helped save Gordon’s life in January).

I think Hanneul made something like 70 pizzas on Saturday, even though it’s the middle of his exams…

…and the musicians (people Gordon knows from from the Hillbilly Hoot) didn’t stop all day. There were enthusiastic dancers while the musos played.

Sunday I went to church with Mum and Dad – they have a nice community there, some lovely people.  Not my thing, but nice for them.

We went to Ikea on Monday – because I don’t get to go to Ikea except when I visit Adelaide.  I foolishly ate food that I knew was bad for me but yum, who can resist the meatballs (and the cakes?)

So that was my week in Adelaide. I lazed about. I t was lovely.  I missed Mr Beloved and Constance, of course.

And now I am home again.  Back to the leaky shower that I have to organise a plumber to come fix (I’ll do that on Monday – yesterday I spent most of the day catching up on sleep. you’d think I had a strenuous time away, but the drive home was more tiring than the whole week away).

The Big Bad Tooth that was a problem several months ago has turned into a major problem again – I didn’t get much sleep last night because it was aching so badly – fortunately I already had an appointment with my dentist for a regular checkup on Monday, so we’ll see what she can do then.  I think it might be time for it to come  out – I certainly can’t afford a crown – and I am dreading what will happen – but the pain is now so great that I am even willing to consider getting the darn thing taken out in the chair (which terrifies me, but I can’t go on like this.) I’m just glad it wasn’t hurting like this while I was in Adelaide.

So that’s it from me for now. The new uni semester starts on Monday and I have my textbook, but until I get the plumbing and the dentist sorted I’m not going to even LOOK at the uni stuff… well, it can wait until Tuesday, anyway.

In my new Dr Who t shirt

I am confident of a pass in the university subject, and have really enjoyed it – after all, Creative Writing was why I wanted to go back to university – and anything more than a pass will be a bonus.  The 2000 word short story got 87% on the first go around; (it was worth 25% of the semester’s mark) the next part of the assignment (submitted today) was to re-edit it substantially and provide 200 words of notes on the reasons for the changes.  It’s such a small framework to work in, but I hope I’ve managed to pull it off.  That’s worth 30% of the overall mark.

The other work handed in today was a portfolio of all of the in-class exercises, notes on the readings, and reflections on the exercises throughout the course. And that’s worth the  30%.  I hope I’ve covered that off sufficiently but if I haven’t – well, it’s too late to stress about it now, its already in the university’s computer.  (The remaining 15% for the semester was for the 500 word descriptive piece waaaay back in August, and I got 83%.)

So what now? Well, on Wednesday I’m off to Adelaide to see my lovely family!  My brother will be 40 on Friday and they’re having an “at home” for him on Saturday.  I can’t wait to catch up with everybody and just hang out.  I am anxious about leaving Mr Beloved and Miss Constance, of course, and will miss them terribly for the week I am away, but it will be so wonderful to be with Mum and Dad and Gordon and Ju and Hanneul (if I get to see him, I think he’s very busy…) I haven’t seen my family in far too long.  We speak on the phone to Mum and Dad every Sunday night, but there’s nothing like actually just sitting down to a meal or three together to catch up.  I’m on direct flights from Brisbane to Adelaide this time, too, so much easier than having to rush through the Sydney terminal to change planes.

The when I come back I am determined to tackle the project that has been hanging over me for too long – The Sewing Room Of Shame.  We need the room back. I spoke to my psychologist about it yesterday, and my mental health nurse, and I think I am ready to start it…one little box, 15 minutes at a time…

…and on November 12, Semester 3 of university starts. Fun.  Because my poor muddled brain can only manage one subject per semester I  have to do subjects in Semester Three each year, whether I want to or not.  Luckily this year it’s one of the ‘core’ subjects that everybody doing a B.Arts is forced to do: CMS1000, Communication and Scholarship.  I bought the textbook today – $98 KACHING thankyouverybloodymuch, and I couldn’t even buy a second hand copy as the course requirements specify the 2013 edition.  My only consolation is that I will be able to sell it easily to someone in Semester 1 next year, when hordes of incoming first years will be doing it.  I know other textbooks are much more expensive, but really, when you see the content in this one  – !  And because it’s such a limited course offering, you can’t buy it from anywhere except the uni bookstore.

I’m doing this subject as an ‘external’ student, which will be interesting – I’m going to have to make sure I keep in contact with my friends I made  in Semester 2, or I’ll go a wee bit stir crazy from lack of people contact perhaps.

So that’s about it from here. It’s hot and there’s a lot of smoke haze – 31C and bushfires burning to the north and east of Toowoomba. (Areas that flooded last year now have high fuel loads, and several fires have started from lightning strikes… this is the way the cycle runs, unfortunately.) The other night there was so much smoke in the air the moon was blood red. and both Mr Beloved and I needed extra asthma medication – not fun. It’s clearer today but still hazy.

I saw my helpful psychologist on Thursday and had two anxiety attacks (complete with ‘oh no, here come the tummy wobbles’) while I was in here office – which was actually incredibly useful, because we were able to work on tools to cope with them right there and then.  Labeling what was going on so the mind gets back in control instead of panicky emotions running riot helps; remembering to breathe (sounds simple but the first thing I tend to do when I panic is hold my breath!); and reminding myself that this isn’t going to last forever – all these are useful things when I’m feeling really rotten and anxious.  I’ve been feeling a lot better since practicing those things.

The weather has been nice but today has turned cooler. Connie took me for a walk in Queen’s Park the other day to see some of the flowers planted for the Carnival of Flowers but she wasn’t stopping to let me photograph them!

Come ON, Mum!

Ornamental Kale

(Photos taken on the run with my phone as Connie CHARGED around the park!)

I’ve managed to pick up a sore throat and a bit of a snuffle.  So I’m off to have some hot water with lemon and ginger.  Uni starts again this week, but we haven’t heard back yet about our marks for the 2000 word story – we should know by the middle of the week, the lecturer says. Then it’s a race to the finish when all work has to be handed in by October 26.  I think I’m as up-to-date as I can be with the other work for the subject, and I’m not going to stress myself out about it, not when I’m already trying to recover from this bout of anxiety and depression! I am better than I was even this time last week, though.