So I’ve been inside a lot this week.

Not that I’ve got much done.  The psychiatrist has agreed that I can reduce the amount of the new drug (Seroquel) from 300mg to 200mg but as it’s stored in body fat (of which I have a lot!) it’s going to be 6 weeks before we can expect any change.  I’m hoping that the reduced dose will help with the severe dry mouth and anger.

Although the psychiatrist says anger is a good sign, that depression is anger turned inwards, and that being angry means I’m getting better.  I don’t buy that: I don’t actually feel angry at anyone or about anything, it’s just this horrible low grade grump non-stop.  “What else can you turn that energy towards?” asks the psych.  ARRRRRGHH!  There’s always housework but I’m SO not in the mood for scrubbing walls.

I’m very happy my parents are coming to visit.  (I know I’ve mentioned this before.) But they know how we really live anyway – so even though the house will be cleaner than usual in honour of their visit, it’s not fooling anyone.

Whinge whinge whinge.

Here’s something:

Habitat

Now, you might think these are just the Wildflower  Emblem of Our Suburb, and you’d be right: the abandoned car is just that.  But it’s also something else.

{clicky biggy}

It’s habitat.

This Superb Fairy Wren (Malurus-cyaneus) has decided that it must spend HOURS every day shaping up against that other bloke in the mirror.  The poor little jenny-wren hops about on top of the roof rack on the same car, ignored!

(apologies for poor quality, these are little birds and I had to use a lot of zoom on my point and shoot camera!)

(There is also something VERY WEIRD going on with this same car in the last two days with strange people getting in and out of it and bedding and food being put in.  We can see this because it’s parked under our kitchen window.  The street side windows of the car have been covered with newspaper. Suspicious much? Yeah, we think so, too.  Especially since before this weekend that car has been just sitting in the yard for well over a year, untouched except by birds….)

So, apart from that – not much going on. I made cards this week at Social Cre8te instead of doing any art journal pages.  Just not really in the mood for much.  Seems to be the song of this blog lately.  I’m just not feeling very interesting.

Oh and a fun book I  recently read:

Retribution Falls by Chris Wooding: Sky pirates!

Not much.

Just getting through the days…

Took Mr Beloved back to the doctor, and he’s lost a kg in two weeks.  I, of course, have been walking and counting calories, and what do I get for my pains? Weight GAIN.   So unfair.  However, I did lose 30 points of mercury on the blood pressure reading, being it back down to far more acceptable levels, so at least that’s something positive.  The doctor did bring up the idea of gastric banding again, and that’s my idea of HELL, so I need to keep walking and counting…

Our warm spell (where one night the temperature was FIFTEEN degrees!) disappeared and we  are back to having cold minima and maxima temps: 1 degree overnight to around 14 or 15 during the day.

Spring blossoms are starting; ahhhhhccchooo! (That one’s for the wattle, of which there is thankfully NOT a lot locally.)

Pics etc to follow when I am more organised…

Meantime, I’ve been reading.  You can see exactly what on the shelfari widget over there on the right (if you’re reading this on the actual blog and not through a feed reader.)

Favourite book so far this year:

Mistress of the Art of Death by Ariana Franklin.

Set in Cambridge in the 12th Century, lovely writing, and though the murders are gruesome they are not pornographically described  – I don’t enjoy books where every drop of blood is written out, you know?  The protagonist is a young woman trained in medicine at the famous (and liberal) school of Medicine at Salerno, Sicily. The plot really grabs you, and there are enough twists in the tale to keep things interesting right till the end.

(The only annoying thing is that for some reason, the second and third books have different titles in the US to the UK/Commonwealth.  Arrrrgh! #2 “Serpents Tale” in the US is “Death Maze” here in Australia; #3 is”Grave Goods” elsewhere but  “Relics of the Dead” here.   And our new, expanded library system has bought both, but not the 4th book in the series…)

And with that, I’m off to start cooking tea and heading into my infamous Saturday night couch potato-ness.

I had to buy new jeans this week (thank goodness Target had them on sale!) and since there was nothing acceptable in the fat chick range, I bought mens’ jeans.  BIG MENS jeans.  Actually ended up with a size bigger than I needed (or wanted) but things were getting desperate so I grabbed what I could.

(clicky biggy but you still probably won’t be able to read some of the journaling)

It’s always harder to keep the weight off in winter – yeah, I comfort eat, who doesn’t? – but this year has been harder with the Seroquel coming into play.  I know I’ve whined about this before, but it really does seem unfair that I have a choice of being mentally ok and fat or mentally screwed and maybe thinner.  It’s all very well for the psychiatrist to counsel not having any “bad” food in the house, but carrot sticks and celery are NOT what I want to eat on a cold and miserable day!  I’ll have to work out how to make long, slow cooked soup in the microwave – the stove is kaput, although the oven part still works  – it’s just the cooktop that is not working.

That said, I’ve stopped buying the bikkies (cookies) I liked, and am eating green apples like they’re going out of fashion. Nom nom nom.  I’m going to bake some bikkies or slice tonight (I’m limiting any baking to once a week) just so we can have something nice with our cuppas.  Without the palm oil and other strange additives of the commercial products.  A small treat while the rest of the food intake is so sensible … zucchini slice is a marvellous thing, lots of stealth veges and it lasts for at least 3 meals for the two of us!

Some of the stuff in my art journal has been too personal for me to post. I know, shocking – that I wouldn’t post something – it goes against my history – but there’s one issue in particular that is tricky and unresolved and I don’t want to expose it before things are sorted out.

(some info smudged for privacy reasons)

It’s been cold here.  I don’t sleep well when it’s cold – my bones ache.  Carrying all this extra weight doesn’t help that, of course, but July is always a tough month to get through.

I didn’t dust this week. I’ve only vacuumed the front and lounge and kitchen once.  There’s only so much fighting against the dust monster I can manage!

Another art journal page waiting for the writing… my hair is reaaaaaaalllly bugging me but I can’t afford to go to the hairdressers – and so I’m just using a headband to keep it back off my face.  I’m so grey now!  (Even the vet commented on how grey my hair is when I last took Connie in.)  Connie has to lose 1.5 kg (from her 7.5 kg total weight) and I am not even game to get on the scales (although I suspect my GP will make me when we go to see her on Monday…) – I’m back to needing to lose at least 20kg, though, I’m sure.  I can’t afford the gym, so I’m trying to walk each day – even though so far it’s only for 15-20 minutes.

Another oddly proportioned gal, inspired by the styles of Teesha and Nancy B…

I’m very excited that my parents will be visiting for a couple of days in September!  YAY!!  And I was excited that I was going to be able to get some parts for my brother’s car from the local wreckers – except that when they quoted the price, we had to “tell ‘em they’re dreamin’!” – they wanted $260 for a coupla bits of trim!!  Dad reckoned that he could make them out of gold for that price.

Mr Beloved also finds Winter difficult – his old back injury often flares up in the cold, and he just can’t get away from the pain.  We move slowly in Winter.  At least we don’t live in c-c-c-cold Canberra anymore – we think it’s dreadfully cold when the temperature overnight is 2 degrees C, but there were nights when Canberra had – 6… and I don’t think the houses we had there were any better built against the cold!

As you can see from my Shelfari widget (over there on the right if you’re reading this on my blog) I’ve been doing some reading.   Thank goodness for the city library! I’ve really enjoyed “The Secrets of The Immortal Nicholas Flamel” series written by Michael Scott: the whole series (three books so far) takes place in just over a week – it’s action all the way.  I’ve also found some of the boxes of books that I moved with; some I’m probably never going to read again and can get rid of, and some books that I look forward to re-reading.  I recently read “Cat in a Hot Pink Pursuit” by Carole Nelson Douglas – book SEVENTEEN of that series!  I used to re-read all the previous books before I read the new one, but these days I just read the one before if I can get my hands on it – I stopped buying this series at around book “K” (they’re alphabetical).

And now it’s getting too cold again for me to write.  Off to  the house for some art journaling before an evening of couch potato-ing – Monk, Doc Martin, and The Bill.

Oh, and the election? Let’s just say that regardless of all the sh1t that happens in the (drearily long) 5 week campaign, my vote will be going to another party for the first time EVER.  And it won’t be one of the major 2…

(washi tape frame from Kitschy Digitals kit, recoloured)

One of Mr Beloved’s dear friends sent a care package today, (thanks, Prote!) which included two coffee mugs from the recent Atheist Convention.  Also lots of computery geekery bits and pieces which have made Mr Beloved very happy.  So here am I, in the middle of a hot flush (just looooove that red faced look, NOT!) in our kitchen.  On the left of the photo you can see that the kitchen table has been completely taken over by art supplies; on the right of the photo you can just see the laundry, complete with the unemptied recycling box perched on top of the washer.  It’s just non-stop glamour around here, let me tell ya!

Speaking of glamour – I won a gift voucher to iSUBSCRiBE, thanks to the wonderful Girl With A Satchel.  I read GWAS blog every day because she saves us money: I wait and see her review of magazines before I buy them, especially if they’ve been wrapped in plastic (ooh, anyone else just hear the Twin Peaks theme?!).   I’m trying to decide between getting 12 months of Vogue Australia (which I buy maybe every 2nd or third month, it’s pure fantasy) and  Country Style magazine (which is also pure fantasy, but with expensive kitchens instead of expensive clothes.) So far I can’t make up my mind.

You’d think having hot flushes would be useful in the colder weather we’ve been having, but sadly my face is the only part that gets hot.  I find myself lying in bed at night with a damp facewasher on my cheek while my feet rest on the hot water bottle.  Very odd. I’m not sure if the flushes are physical or psychological (or both, since can you really separate the two?) but I DO NOT LIKE THEM.

Not much else to report here: it’s cold, I hate my medicine, we’re trying to get more things done each day (Mr Beloved is currently building pelmets for the lounge and bedroom windows, to try and keep some heat in); my nose is still very sore and swollen, and my throat still hurts when I yawn.  I’m slowly recovering from the surgeries – s- l-o–w—l—y.  And I’m continuing to work with the psychologist and psychiatrist and GP to try and manage my anxiety and panic attacks.  Not getting much reading done.

Right, getting too cold here, back to the house to do the dishes so my hands warm up!

Apparently the average consumption is 9 pounds, not 8 kilos, I got that wrong – it’s still a ridiculous amount of LIPSTICK to eat!

It’s too darn hot  -  and no Ann Miller tapping on the coffee table around here!

Had a HUUUUGEE fight with the bestie over something I wrote on facebook.  Me and my big mouth/fingers, eh? In my defence, I mentioned NO NAMES.   This is what I wrote:

Sad today – lost a friendship, I think. Probably gone a while ago, but I really noticed it today. (Yeah, I’m an Aspie, I don’t READ signs well, ok? JUST TELL ME!!)

Hmmmm. And no amount of saying I’m sorry seems to help.  And never mind that it could EASILY have applied to more than one person… and that I did in fact have a misunderstanding with a friend online that same day.

Don’t know what to do there.

So it’s been an … interesting …week.  Constance J. Woodle had another visit to the vet, and her blood test (pancreatic lipase) came back as NORMAL, yay!  But now she might have an allergy to GRASS.

GRASS!  She’s a dog! Where else is she going to walk and pee? Bloody GRASS!!

And the treatment (large shots of cortisone) can’t be given to dogs with … yep, pancreatitis.  Poor little darling, she’s having a rough trot.  But she’s almost back to normal (so long as “normal” no longer includes being able to eat anything at all interesting.)

What I’ve been reading lately:

The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbary.  I know this book has had RAVE reviews on many blogs I read; whih often makes me reluctant to read something.  But -  this lives up to the hype.  I would love to know if it can possibly be as elegant and erudite and charming in the original Klingon French (sorry, too many years with Trekkies) – one of my favourite books of the year and one I sincerely DON’T WANT HOLLYWOOD TO GET because they would stuff it right up and probably change the ending and that would spoil THE WHOLE THING.

*deep breath*

And a gem from my book boxes (these are the squintillions of books that haven’t made it to shelves yet, despite our best efforts) – Marie Curie by Eve Curie My copy is the 1946 edition and is quite badly foxed, but still readable. Something of a hagiography, but a good basic history – I’m itching to read more about Madame Curie.

OK, I am off to play art journals… see ya later!

[clicky for bad scan, bigger]

Today was pretty hot – around 37.4 at the computers before we shut them down.  And Summer’s not even “officially” here yet! I slept through most of the hottest part of the day: I’m finding that on the days I have chiropractic treatment, I just CRASH OUT.  Apparently that’s normal – but gosh it’s disconcerting!  I’m not complaining, mind you, since it’s the best sleep I get all week.

(again, clicky for biggy, and apologies for the bad scan – this book is so distended that it’s about to BURST!)

This page isn’t finished yet.. needs a lot more pen work/ doodles. It’s a true story though – I won’t name the very senior person in the Uniting Church  (at the time) involved in the conversation, but it was the start of the end of my belief.

In other news:

Constance J Woodle continues to improve BUT is still pretty much refusing her Special Food.  We figure she’s got a pretty big hump to live on (as do we all, oops!) and so the reduced intake isn’t too much of an issue. (The Vet agrees.)

I have *sob* officially quit the gym.  What with swine flu and the thyroid thang, it hasn’t been a good 6 months for exercise, and I have to allocate the gym money to paying off the debt from Connie’s treatment. Gotta do a lot more walking!

Oh, and I am DEFINITELY on thyroid replacement pills for the rest of my life.  The thyroid is BUNG.  But good news – the dosage is right. Bad news? Any memory loss now is NOT due to thryoid dumbing-down-ness…

Reading:

Oh, I have been awful about not updating my Shelfari list!  In fact, haven’t even got it up here yet, have I?! I am reading library books mostly, since I’ve already read everything we own (duh!)

I Blame Duchamp by Edmund Capon: reading this in bed just won’t do – there are too many images referred to that I am unfamilar with, and so I have to read this with an internet connection open and google ready to go.  The pictures that ARE in the book are beautifully produced, as is the quality of this book overall.  *sigh* I’d own this one if I could!  Great writing, opinionated and learned – just the way I like it.

Last night (in sheer desperation at having Nothing To Read) I started to re-read The Hill by Ray Rigby (I didn’t know til I went to look for a link that it had been made into a movie starring Sean Connery – wow!).  Brutal, but great writing. Probably not the best thing to be reading on a stinking hot night, though, since it’s set in a punishment camp in the desert (Egypt in the book, Libya in the film) and the mentions of thirst are tormenting.

The Magicians by Lev Grossman:  Undecided how to review this one: in some ways it’s a grown up (well, only slightly so, college age) version of Harry Potter – a magical school, yada yada… but could be considered allegorical.  Hmmm.

Chalcot Crescent by Fay Weldon: A favourite author. This is near future dystopia at its most imaginable…  all too plausible.

There have been numerous others, of course, but  – meh.  Mostly forgettable.

Ok, I’m off to see if the house has cooled down enough to let us sleep…

I used to be pretty clear on what was real & what I made up, but with everything going on in the world, none of that seems to matter, so I just decided to talk less & smile to myself more, so as not to add to the general confusion.

I could just about have that TATTOOED on me.  Yep. Talk less and smile to myself more, that’s the ticket.

I’m starting to feel better about my memory – today I remembered an author’s name to recommend a book to someone! (Kay Redfield Jamison’s “Touched With Fire: Manic Depressive Illness and The Artistic Temperament”, an interesting and useful read.)  So I’m thinking that MAYBE the thyroxine is starting to work…. because this was one of things that I was finding quite distressing, not being able to call up names and book titles (and I can usually see the cover and where I saw it last on my bookshelves if it’s a book I own.) Fingers crossed, eh?

So far though, I am still exhausted and don’t have the energy of a slug. Spent most of the day in bed.

In between sleeping, I have been reading.  You might remember that back here I raved about two books by Barbara Cleverly.  Well, I’ve been reading her other series, featuring Detective Joe Sandilands, and they’re even BETTER!! Set in India and the North West Frontier (what we know now as the area around Afghanistan/Pakistan, so very topical) in the dying days of the Raj, beautifully plotted, with great characters.  If you enjoy those, do check out an old favourite of mine  – Peter Hopkirk’s “The Great Game: On Secret Service in High Asia” (I think it had a different subtitle for the American market).  All very Kipling but without Kipling’s – ummmmmm – tendency to be tedious?!

Also just read “The Monsters of Templeton” by Lauren Groff. (I can’t remember who recommended this one (it was one someone’s blog …) – well worth the read.

And I’m enjoying reading *gasp* scrap booking magazines and blogs!  (If you have favourites, please let me know.) Seriously, my admiration grows daily for the clever design work some of these women do.  I don’t understand why the 12″ square is the default page size, especially since SQUARES ARE HARD in design, but wow – there are a lot of really well though out, funny, clever pages being made out there.

It’s really making me think.  I mean, my art journal pages tend to be rather  – instinctual.  Thrown together.  Serendipitous.  And while I really value the spontaneity of working so freely, I think there is room for me to be more thoughtful about the design of pages.  (Have just dug up an oft recommended book on this:”Design! A Lively Guide to Design Basics for Artists and Craftspeople” – such eye candy, this time I must read it instead of just looking at the pretty pictures.)

Also, I’m being nudged shoved towards learning how to do more digital stuff – of course, Because We Are Pov I don’t use a closed source, commercial (ie big BUCK$$) program like Photoshop or Photoshop Elements.  I use an open source program (GIMP) which does all the same stuff (as far as I can see) and is FREE and works on my computer (which is also running a FREE open source operating system,  based on Linux.)  And you know what? I can still use all the juicy tutorials online which people have written for PS or PSE, I just have to find where the same tools are on my screen.  Brilliant!

Only problem with all this is that when I am up and online, I am looking at far more graphic intensive pages than I used to – oops!  Time to think about re-working the budget so we can buy more bandwidth… that or stop LOOKING at so much!