*headdesk* First week of Uni…embarrassment

And already I’m pretty sure the other people in tute class HATE me.

And I can’t remember the last time I blushed so HARD.

Or had to pull my t-shirt up over my head and hide. (What am I, 5?  SHEESH!)

The first lecture was okay.  But the first tute?

I was TIRED after the first day, too tired to go to group therapy. The textbook arrived Wednesday arvo, so I worked really hard doing the reading and the homework (Ahem, “Learning Activities” – must keep up with the current terminology!) before the tute on Thursday.

Thrilling stuff...

I kept my Thursday morning appointment with my lovely Mental Health Nurse at the Helpful Psychiatrist’s – she’s a no bullshit sort of person and Very Helpful with strategies, and the appointments are funded by Medicare – no out of pocket for us.  I can just go and talk to her about what’s making me anxious and she really helps with sensible, practical ideas that I can use to calm down and stop the spiral up (or down).  Mr Beloved even came in with me this time, and he agrees she is another useful tool (and I don’t mean that in any sort of nasty way – I mean that she is another person for Team Caity). Yay!

Then Mr Beloved drove me out to uni because I had booked in for a 90 minute  “Super Library Session” on “Finding Information for Your Assignments”.

Yeah BABY!

WOW!!  The whole WORLD has changed since I first went to uni.   The librarians showed us how to access huuuuuuge databases of online journal articles and refine the searches to get what we want (and download the articles if they’re available), and look for e-books, and I can do all that from home-  unless I need an actual physical book in the library I don’t need to go in to the library at all.  And the library has an online java chat system so if you need to ask a librarian something during the hours that the library is open, you can jump online and just ask.   Amazing stuff.

Then I had a half hour break before the tutorial. So I found the right room, sat outside in the sun, and ate my lunch.

And the first part of the tute was ok, the usual intro stuff.  I explained in my intro to classmates that I have a chronic pain condition so if I get up and move around and stretch I’m not being rude, I just need to not be in pain.  That’s all good.

But I TALKED TOO MUCH. *headdesk*

And then in the last half hour of the two hour tute I put my foot in it.  I said “Look, these “Learning Activities”, what’s the go? Are we supposed to just do them for the sake of doing them or do we discuss them in the tutes or what? Cos I worked REALLY HARD on this and I am confused about his question and I’d really like to know what everyone else thought and…”

The tutor said “Ummm, well, I thought since it was week 1 and people might not have the textbooks we wouldn’t discuss it this week but yeah, normally we’d do those in the tute, and what part were you having problems with?”

But by that time I’d already said “Oh great, way to get everyone in the tute mad at me” and blushed BRIGHT red and hidden my head in my shirt… oops.  Yeah.  And I have to go back next week.

But at least everyone did start to discuss the question… I think we were all sick of just intro stuff by then.. at least I hope everyone else was as well…

I feel like I’m already a bit behind in the work for next week… we get divided into groups of 28 or so for the next “e-tivity” that we need to complete online.  I’m hoping to do the required reading tomorrow and if no one else has started the discussion on the online forum by then I’ll write something… at least the e-tivity group is mostly external students, who don’t know what an IDIOT I’ve already made of myself!

2 Replies to “*headdesk* First week of Uni…embarrassment”

  1. For heaven’s sake Caity, stop being so hard on yourself. You had a question and you weren’t afraid to ask it – unlike the young ones who probably felt the same but didn’t want to stand out by being the first to ask. Your maturity and common sense will be a huge asset to the group – let go of the negativity that is convincing you that you are a liability. This is your journey and you have to navigate it the way that works for you. Good luck.

    1. Thanks, Hilary! There are a couple of other mature age students in the tute but they were VERY quiet… one of them is going to be a right pain the rear, when we were sitting outside he told me that \”textbooks were a scam, I\’m in my 4th year here and you don\’t need to buy them\”… – riiight! I\’ve just spent a couple of hours trying to get my head around this week\’s coursework and I figure if I can just do an hour or so a day I\’ll get through it…

      You know, my lovely mental health nurse has said EXACTLY the same thing as you have reminded me – let go of the negativity – I CAN DO THIS!!

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