12:35 pm- I’ve just got to get through til my dentist appointment at 4pm. Sooooo tired but I can’t sleep… I can sleep in the day if I am sleeping in, but I find it very hard to actually get to sleep during the day. It’s HOT here today (33.7 outside, 32.4 inside right now, according to the kitchen thermometer) and because it was warm last night and the tooth ached, I didn’t get much sleep last night. I’m trying very hard to just ride the feelings of anxiety instead of fighting them. I keep telling myself “Breathe… Be Present… Accept what I am feeling….” (These are basically the principles of mindfulness/ACT summed up. Good to know that all those many hours of therapy are doing SOMETHING.)
I’ve definitely broken a filling – I managed to get a good look at it last night. Lost about a quarter of a BIG amalgam filling in my second lower molar. I have lots of fillings, and most of them were done before I was in my mid twenties… I suspect this particular one could date from my childhood, so possibly 30 years ago. That’s probably about the lifespan of these fillings…. fingers crossed that it’s the only one that is giving up! (And hey, I’m NOT a dentist, so I could be totally wrong about that. Well, fancy that. here’s an article saying 10 years is a good run! ) Also fingers crossed that the nice dentist can repair the filling, and not have to replace the whole thing…
I’m also reminding myself that it’s okay to feel anxious. It’s *struggling* with those feelings that causes the problem. And I am accepting that for me anxiety feels very physical – I keep having to run to the loo, my mouth is dry, my stomach hurts. And I can’t fix it with more food (not even more frozen grapes!) – I just have to stay calm and let the anxious feelings be there. I can get through this.
Just gone one o’clock. (I’m browsing whilst writing, it doesn’t really take me that long to write 300 words!)
I could really do without the next door neighbour SCREAMING at her toddler every 5 minutes – I swear, that kid must think his name is either “Djuwarna Belting?” or “LEAVE IT!” At least this time there’s just one toddler, his Mum, and a teenager who may or may not be the mother’s offspring…don’t know, don’t care, just want her to bloody well respect the fact that she is NOT alone in the neighbourhood and that not everyone cares for her DOOMF DOOMF DOOMF music all day and night!
I doubt they’ll last long, anyway – when I had to go over the other day and ask for the stereo to be turned down, the “responsible adult” came to the door, beer in hand, at 3 in the afternoon. The screeching gets worse during the day until it peaks at around 5:30, when “Djuwarna” becomes “SIT DOWN! EAT IT! Djuwarna Belting?”
1:20pm. 34.5 outside, 33.1 inside.
Going to work in my art journal for a while now.