So here’s one in progress. No idea where it will end up, but so far there’s acrylic paint, watercolour crayons, and that silhouette… I haven’t been doing as much in my journal as I was before the surgery because I’m still kind of – well, crook. I’m not getting all that much of anything done, even though I am getting more awake hours in the day. Hopefully the balance will be better as I continue to heal.
In fact, I’ve been being pretty tough on myself: I haven’t been letting myself go back to bed once I’m up in the morning, and I’m tending to be up around 8 am. This is a whole new pattern for me.
The not-napping has become somewhat problematic, because I really NEED to rest, and for some reason my weird bi-polar brain does NOT WANT ME TO. I need to be gentle with myself and let myself read on the bed and just rest, but no – somehow there is this RESISTANCE that says I can’t. It’s not being reasonable, there is no logic – an hour’s sleep would have little or no impact on my nightly sleep hygiene. I tried writing myself a permission slip: the psychologist suggested maybe I need to write a prescription instead: “Rx: Caity, have a little lie down! It will be ok!”
I’m getting back into my pre-surgery bedtime ritual of listening to Phillip as I do the dishes and generally wind down – taking my medicines, maybe painting a background in the journal, or just flicking through magazines for images, making the bed, setting up the CPAP machine. By the time the 11 o’clock news comes on I’ve generally brushed my teeth, washed my face, and can start to read the very few pages I get through before I zonk out.
The doctors (and various websites I have checked in my anxiety-ridden state) all say that recovery from tonsillectomy takes AT LEAST 4 weeks, and from septoplasty a minimum of 6 weeks – with most people saying they are still recovering out to three months from surgery. Even though I KNOW I’ve had fairly big surgery in areas with lots of nerve endings, I keep expecting myself to be better NOW. I’ll say it again: I am NOT a good patient!
In fact, I had to contact the ENT surgeon again because “my nose feels weird (and now my left sinus cavity is hurting, too)” – I’m now on another course of antibiotics. I burst into tears when I saw my GP this morning: WTF? I felt like everything – the sore hand, the blocked up breathing, the pain in my leg which wakes me up during the night – all just got on top of me and before I knew it I was sobbing.
If you’ve made it this far you’re probably my Mum (hi Mum!) because anyone else reading has probably left the pity party by now. But thanks for reading, anyway.