I’m so tired…

… of feeling anxious about everything.  Really, REALLY tired of it.  All I want to do is to be able to sleep when I want to sleep. Enjoy the day instead of waking up feeling like “Oh shit, another whole day to get through.”

It’s not that I am unhappy (umm – I don’t think I am…) I love Mr Beloved, Miss Constance J Woodle, Miss Kit Tern and the three birds; I am safe with our own roof over my head (although admittedly the house could use a few hours of cleaning and decluttering, whose couldn’t?).  It’s not like I live somewhere where men with machetes are suddenly going to attack (I hope not, anyway!)  It feels horribly self indulgent to be feeling miserable and anxious when there really isn’t that much going on, you know?  I mean, yes, my throat and nose are still recovering from surgery (which I was extremely fortunate to be able to have) and the bruising on my wrist is blooming and settling so that should be ok soon too.

So why on earth do I have these anxious feelings?

Monday I get to go to my Nice Psychiatrist again.  And hope that I don’t feel like too much of a failure because I have had to take valium some nights recently (post surgery) because I get so wound up about nothing that I can’t sleep, I can’t even do the calming down exercises properly.

Isn’t that silly? And yet it upset me to write it.

I’m hoping the horrible neighbours have quietened down (it’s nearly 11pm on Saturday night – they’re in their 20s – what do you think of my chances?!) so I can go snuggle in bed and read some lovely Terry Pratchett.  I’ve just been grabbing random volumes from the library, since it doesn’t really matter what order you read them in once you’re sort of familiar with the workings of Discworld.  (some of the characters get a bit out of order but that’s only a minor quibble.)

And poor Constance J. Woodle wants to go up and hop under the feather quilt with me.  Here’s hoping it’s quiet…

5 Replies to “I’m so tired…”

  1. [[hugz]]
    boohiss at the neighbours
    which Pratchett ?
    Did you know they’ve made Going Postal into a film for the Beeb ? Same people as did Colour of Magic and also Hogfather. No Jeremy Irons as Ventinari this time but from the clip I’ve seen online Charles Dance is almost as good. Funnily enough 20 years ago these were the two actors that i used to refer to as ‘the thinking woman’s crumpet’

    1. Currently Monstrous Regiment. Cool about making Going Postal – I thought Hogfather was really well done. Jeremy Irons OR Charles Dance – still much crumpetness! Rupert Everett lost all baked goods quality when he had that ridiculous facelift,otherwise I would have considered including him.

      The neighbours had gone out by the time I went back up to the house – but came home and argued LOUDLY at 2 am in the backyard, then moved it to the front yard around 3 am. Grrrrrrrr. I really envy you your space around your place!

  2. Dear Caity,
    I am writing to say that I just LOVE your blog. I was looking up info on Trinny and Susannah the other day and for some reason your blog of May 2008 came up in a link. Well I started reading it and was nearly in tears!
    The reason for this is my mother (also a quilter) has the same pattern addiction that you were explaining. So, I have sent the link to her and my sister, who read it and laughed out loud too!
    We (sisters & I) have lived with a pattern / fabric / quilting / sewing addict and understand your blog completely! So what ever issues you were dealing with in May 08 (e.g. the overlocker) we have witnessed first hand too and your blog just brought back some very good childhood memories of my mum. Its nice to know that she is not alone in her fabric infused world!
    P.S. I hope you start feeling better soon.

  3. Hiya Sweetie,

    I remember Toowoomba as bein ‘one really noisy place’, because it was usually me making the racket! But I’ve grown up now, and really appreciate the quiet (if you can call the my street quiet, no abandoned cars for a few weeks now…)

    I hope the nice psychiatrist really is really nice to you. Do you have ANY idea why you are having such anxiety? It is pretty awful. The things you said about how good your life is, don’t make much difference when you are in this space.

    Hugs to you, and hugs from the Puppita (40kg extrovert German Shepherd), too!


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